im reading. im seeing where i went wrong. where i made mistakes. so big a mistake that it impacts the present. the future. i regret. i hate where i am now. i blame only one person. me. i hate myself for it. if i had done things differently, maybe i would be in a brighter place. its all my fault. no one else's. and now its already too late. too late to fix anything that i did. everything is wrong. it went out of line. what i did was out of line. i should have done things right. i shouldnt have avoided the truth. if i did, i could have done better. if i had done better, things would have been different. i would be living differently. i wouldnt be living the sorry excuse of a life i have now. i would have different ways of handling things. i wouldnt be running away. i wouldnt be lying my way through life. i wouldnt be living a life of deceit and mis-trust. i might have more courage than the person i am now. i would have had better character than the person i see in the mirror today. i would be different. i wouldnt be a person that i lie to everyday in the mirror, thinking things that are lies, saying things to others that are pieces of fiction woven by my imagination. i tried to escape reality. i failed miserably. now i have to face reality and look it in the eye. i have to face everything that i did wrong, or i will continue on the twisted path im already on. if i do that, im going to regret my life. im going to regret more choices, more words...my brain says that i cant do that. but yet im still living my life the way it was before. when i try to conform, words and thoughts are thrown back to me. im trying. i really am. i want to change. but its too hard. it hurts like the sting of salt being thrown onto a fresh wound. it cuts into your very soul, your very existance. but if you dont keep on going, the wound will never heal. it might get an infection and your arm will have to be amputated. or worse. if you keep on going, the wound will hurt but it shall eventually heal and you can carry on with life the way it was before you did whatever caused that wound. or sometimes you dont learn, and you go and scrape yourself up and get yourself another wound. then you have to start all over again. and its going to hurt twice as bad as the first time, the second time round. which route to recovery will you choose? both hurts. one heals. one keeps on hurting you till the very end. i choose mine. im still working for it. but maybe its already too late.
congradulations to anyone who understands what i wrote. 'cause i sure dont.
cassandra
anderson secondary 6Charitian of OLGC
2/5'er of Anderson Sec
ATC`ian! exco member!
8th june '93
SHE...
...can be very contradicting
...is a sweet and candy addict
...loves dreaming about anything and everything
...has a thing for smiling and laughing at weird times
...loves all her friends and family alot
...likes the rain and cant stand the heat
...can be slow at understanding things so please excuse her
...does not like the dark
...wishes she were more outspoken and brave
...likes taking photos as long as she isnt in the photo
...can get emotionally-unstable at times but just let her be
...usually doesnt like being alone
...despises long distance running
